Dance With Your Eyes Closed
Statistics show that only half of Americans trust their gut. Do you listen to your intuition? Do you trust yourself? What does that even look like?
A few years ago, I was taking dance lessons. Bachata & salsa to be exact. I *love* dancing so much. So once or twice a week, I was spending a few hours in the basement of a building in downtown Savannah, sweating and badly dancing and loving every minute of it. I tend to be a perfectionist, following the formula exactly, so that I can get the desired outcomes. It's the scientist in me. X + Y = Z and if I do it just right, I'll get the results I want.
Gosh, if life were only that easy. I have to constantly relearn this lesson. I try and try and do and do and test theory after theory and don't get the right results. Same with salsa. I learned the steps, I practiced, and I knew what to do. I was dancing with my instructor and I kept making mistakes. I stepped on his toes (literally lol) and was off beat. I was dancing, in my head. He literally stopped me in the middle of the dance, frustrated, because he knows I can do this and said "CLOSE YOUR EYES". What in the actual.... I gave him the most ridiculous face. But he wasn't kidding. So there I was, surrounded by a group of people dancing & watching. And I closed my eyes.
I could no longer depend on what I saw. I could no longer watch for clues. I could no longer compare myself to everyone else in the room. I could no longer search his face for approval or disappointment. It was just me, my body, my senses, and my responses to guide me. The music, his body, the tempo, my body - all in a literal dance. I still messed up - I was still overthinking, but I couldn't depend on my typical external crutches to get me through. As I was worried, concerned, even embarrassed, I had to turn inwards for answers. How was I going to move next? How big was that step going to be? What was the timing going to be? With how much force and energy would I go? Every single question had to be answered by me and me only. Even my response to his movements had to be done without his validation, just me feeling his prompts and leaning in to his guidance.
As the song kept going and I stopped depending on those external needs, listening to myself, learning to trust my own movements, I was able to dance with fewer mistakes. I wasn't perfect, but I did a much better job.
Learning to trust myself, trust my needs, trust my own intuition has been a journey and will forever be something I'm learning. But I know that when I do, my dance is all the more beautiful.
