Fly Away Faults

I don’t think I’m alone here, but does anyone else out there tend to hang on to stuff? Not baby pictures and extra socks, but things that people have done that have hurt me. I can forgive, fairly easily actually, but man can I hold on to some stuff. I will never forget that a friend called me a name, or when my partner said something hurtful, or someone didn’t do the thing they’d promised they’d do. I don’t want to brag or anything, but I can hold on to that stuff for yearrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrs.

The other day, I was just minding my business, doing my thing, and some random thought crossed my mind. Something someone had done that hurt me. It was a small something, hurtful, but not a huge offense. But what happened when it crossed my mind? I held on to it. I got mad (again). I got hurt (again). I got sad (again). I sat in those feelings, dazed out and re-living the situation all over again, mulling over all the details like it just happened. When I snapped out of it, I was shocked at what I had just done …. to myself. The first time, it had been done to me. This time, I chose to do it to myself. I made a decision to go down that rabbit hole and not stop my thoughts and redirect to a positive. Nope, I hurt my own dang feelings. Again. It wasn’t the first time I’ve done something like that and it probably won’t be the last, honestly.

I decided, I’m going to classify some hurts in my life - there are some that are a big deal and need counseling or therapy to work through. But there are some that were just the result of another human being a faulty human, much like myself, and they did something to hurt me. But the hurt was quickly addressed, forgiven, and resolved. Though I still find myself going back to it. I’ve decided to call these “fly away faults”. These are faults that are flying around in my heart or in my brain, coming in just to see if I can be hurt by them again. These faults, committed by faulty humans, are just that - a result of a less than perfect human. I cannot in good conscious sit here with these and allow myself to be hurt over and over again. So, just as they fly in, I’m commanding them to fly away. Sometimes, fly the f away.

Fly away faults have the power to fly into my brain or my heart, but I will not give them the power to stay. Nor will I give them the power to take me down a rabbit hole of emotional turmoil. As thoughts pop into my mind of previous hurts, I will only give them enough attention to decide if it’s one I need to talk out with a friend or a therapist, or if it should keep on flying away - releasing it from me and any impact on me.

Fly in, and fly out, fly away faults.